Sunday, March 13, 2011

Fat Girl Dreams

Every fat girl has the same dream when she is heavy. She dreams of being weightless. She dreams of being able to run.  She wonders what it is like to be weightless, to float, to have your body be so lithe that each step is effortless.  Of course she has this dream, and says what the hell and tries to run. But..... being fat she can't. She is easily tired, and her own weight holds her down. Where skinnier girls just seem to bounce in some god given dance, the fat girl heaves against her body.

Its kind of funny that I had this dream like every fat girl, lost some weight, and yet still have this dream. I mean I am always thinking, gosh imagine how fast I would be if I could just lose 10lbs. If anything I dream about it more than when I was heavy. I want to be like those people whose every muscle is efficiently carved, and do not have to log around anything of excess. It's stupid, I am smaller then most, I should just be happy with what I have got. Still when you run you kind of obsess about not being weighed down by anything.

You try and shed everything: weight, unhealthy relationships, bad habits, and dark thoughts. I like the profound freedom that I am beginning to find in my own body. 

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