Sunday, April 3, 2011

What I know to be true.

There is very little I know to be true and the older I get the more true this sentiment becomes. Perhaps someday I will evolve into one of those people that believes in nothing.  First and foremost I believe that my innate self, the self that I am without apology, must live creatively. No matter what else, no matter where I go, or who I love, there must be creativity in my life. Without it I begin to feel lost.  I think that is what drives me to this blog day in and day out. This blog partially satisfies/feeds my creative self.  I believe that this journaling is really just a precursor to writing, or perhaps the foundation to writing more.  I think in the next couple of days I will print out my blog in its entirety, post by post, and begin to edit it. Maybe it is premature, this year of running has had several false starts, and more road blocks/ injuries than I anticipated. But....I am hoping that I will see a creative formation in this psycho babble, something concrete, perhaps a place to begin to really write from.

In other news, Greg leaves tomorrow, and so I am excited to get back to some exercise but sad to see him go. It has been really tough having to balance, exercise, diet, and Greg. In some ways I failed. I don't know how to explain it. I just couldn't leave him to go workout. We have been apart for 8 months, and even now I know that he might not come home. War is dangerous, and this second deployment feels like a tempting of fate. Sometimes it felt impossible to crawl out of bed to go for a run, or a swim. Truthfully, when I did swim, or exercise, I felt weighed down by guilt.  How could I leave him, even while he was sleeping. I don't really know how to wrap my head around what happened these last two weeks, or really comprehend the dynamic of our partnership and the implications that this dynamic might have for my health.  Maybe the lesson here is that I shouldn't be hard on myself and celebrate the time we had together. Does any of this make sense?

So tomorrow, I will begin again. :)

Pics from  our adventures.

1 comment:

  1. It looks like you enjoyed your time with Greg! I think sometimes there are more important things in life than running. Running just help prepare you for the painful parts. Tell Greg thanks for everything he is doing over there, he definitely deserved to receive your full attention.

    Sorry your knee isn't doing any better. We will talk soon, I'm sure. Call me when you have free time- after Greg leaves. The pics are awesome!

    I am in the process of booking rooms in Oregon. It looks like we will be in Eugene for a few days, I am trying to rent a house. Then, we will head to Lincoln City where we are renting a house on the beach. We figured we would use this trip as a relaxation vacation. I will give you the details later.

    Talk to you soon!