Promises Promises

It is kind of hard to believe but my husband has spent almost two years at war.  So these two weeks that I have with him before he leaves for another 4 months are precious. Still yesterday I kept my promise and hit the gym. Greg goes to sleep really early because he is still kind of on Afghanistan time. So while he slept I swam, worked the elliptical, and lifted weights. Its stupid but even leaving him while he is sleeping feels like a huge sacrifice. You know the last couple of days has made me realize that loving yourself, and putting yourself first is hard.  Still I wouldn't stop brushing my teeth, or washing my hair. No matter what you have to put yourself first. 

So today my promise to myself is to eat healthy. Greg has been pushing me to eat fatty foods, because that is what he is eating. He thinks I am beautiful and doesn't want me to deprive myself, and so he pushes me to eat insanely bad food. Still I don't feel good afterwards and honestly, the food we have eating has really felt like a burden and not a treat. So for the next to days I am going to eat raw, and eat clean so that I cleanse the crap out of my system. Its not easy to make these promises, but still I feel like I have to in order to maintain my autonomy, and keep my self respect.

Running Drugs

Ok so here is the deal. I have been on a drug. It is powerful, hardcore and has immediate gratification. My drug is more powerful than prozac, more effective than viagra, and better for you than vitamin C. And.....I am off my drug. What is this powerful medication that I am on. Its the workout drug. Hahaha cute right. No I seriously need my workout drug. I wake up every morning and I am like Greg I need to workout.  My husband wraps his arms around me and says, "oh baby how can you leave me? Is it really that important?" As I write this I have to say I am jonesing, but not in the normal way an addict like me joneses. No I feel fat, ugly, soft, and a little moody. Today when my husband looks at me and says, "Baby don't leave me," I am determined to  say, "honey I love you. Let me have this one." For the most part I am going to do it for me, but a little part me is going to do it for him because I know that I am much better to be around after a good sweat. 

Greg is here!!!!

My husband is in town for just two weeks. I can't tell you how hard it is to go for a run or hit the gym while he is home. He won't go running with me and he won't go to the gym. I don't blame him. I understand.  Still last night I went to the gym and I couldn't hit my sweat, all I wanted to do was go home and crawl back in bed with him. It doesn't really help that I have been battling an injury in my left knee. I know I need to stop running and swim this week. I know I need to give it time to heal.

Anyways, I know that this journey is about patience, persistence, and continue to stay dedicated to building and rebuilding my strength. Meanwhile I am going to enjoy the short sweet amount of time I have to crawl into bed with my husband. 

New Light

My hair is freshly dyed, my nails are painted red, and I have 200 dollars worth of new sexy lingerie in my closet. My sheets are washed, and all of our clothes have been laundered. Candles have been bought, the fridge has been stalked and all of my friends know that I am going Awol. In a little less than 24 hours I will see my husband again for the first time in 7 months. I am not one to talk to much about my husband. I try and keep what is between him and I private. Still, and maybe it is inappropriate to say here, but I am so very nervous to see him. Something has changed inside of me. A light has come on. The life that he and I shared seems so very far away.

Sunday will mark our anniversary, and the truth is that in the almost 4 years we have been together, he will have been gone for 3 of them. It all seems so surreal.  Still I have a found a light, a happiness that I didn't know could exist inside me day in and day out.  It doesn't come from a man, school, or family. It doesn't come from what other people think about me, or my physical appearance. It is just this strength, this feeling of self worth that has unfurled and become a part of me.  Life is good!

Truthfully I am incredibly scared. I know he is going to step off that plane and I will love him. Still in 2 weeks I will lose him again, and it is the most painful experience in the world to send someone you love to war over and over agin. I don't want to go back to that pain. I don't want to start over again.

Sometimes you just have to cling to the strength that you have found, and that courage that exists in loving someone. I just hope it will all be ok. I hope that the new people that we have become can love together in deeper more wonderful ways than we ever have.

oh well off to the gym for my second run of the day!

32 miles = One Pound

Running demands a massive amount of oxygen and produces a vast amount of heat.   According to  my treadmill and online calorie counters, one mile of running burns off approximately 110 calories which is about 460 joules of energy.  One pound is 3200 calories and that means that I would have to run a little over 31 miles to burn off 1lb. Kind of mind blowing if you think about it. This is why the combination of caloric restriction and exercise is imperative to a weight loss program. I mean this is the plain science behind weight loss. Yeah it gets a lot more complicated, but here it is.  The good news is that if you modify your diet and cut out 600 calories, that is 6 miles you don’t have to run!!!! Yeah if  it were only that simple right?

My initial reaction to this research was wow 31 miles is a long way to go to burn a pound. How does anyone lose weight? The thing is that weight loss is enigmatic, and it’s not as simple as a little bit of mathematics. It would almost be nice if losing weight, putting the miles down, and cutting calories was all a nice tidy equation. Sometimes losing weight feels like believing in God.......You just have to find some faith!!! 

Runners World Article on Caloric Burn

Caloric/Energy Conversion Calculator 
Calorie to Joules converter

This one is for Denise (Ice Ice Baby)

Yesterday was yet another frustrating day of running. Breaking my body into the rhythm of longer distance runs is really agrivating. I just want to run but I am struggling with the bursa sacks in my knees. Last month I injured my right knee, and this month I am struggling with the left knee. I go and workout, but there really is only so far I can go. Icing and hot-tubing are the only prescription that a girl can hope for.   I am thinking that I need to just hit the elliptical for the next couple of days, give my knee time to heal, and get my distance on that way. I hate the elliptical, give me a good long run any day, but whatever. You got to do what you have to do. 


So far this is what I have come up with in my research:


http://www.thestretchinghandbook.com/archives/bursitis.phpv
http://www.jointhealing.com/pages/knee/knee_bursitis_tx.html